Today my friend Jennifer and I discussed effective ways to get people to sign a petition.

We ruled out gimmicks like coconut shell or other “theme” bras, free hugs, offering liquor, money, etc.

How then to overcome the dread evoked in by a well-meaning person with a clipboard?

I know that my liberal guilt goes through the roof every time I am greeted with a question like, “Do you have time to help feral, blind children who live at the bottom of abandoned wells?”

“Not today,” I often demur, my tight-lipped resentment seasoned with a dash of remorse.

Since I only have 994 signatures left to gather on my Shark Defenders petition, Jen offered to help me. We’re going to find some cool shark t-shirts to wear and then celebrate our signature gathering with a few well-deserved cocktails. (Shark Defenders in no way endorses these methods).

If this sounds too frivolous for a day of shark action, I also put in one hour of work designing my shark book proposal.

P.S. In a complete non-sequitur, I’d like to wish Ringo Starr a happy 73rd birthday.