Day 287 4/9/14: Meditations at Jack Webb’s Grave

Yesterday I fulfilled a longtime dream and made a pilgrimage to the grave of Jack Webb. I am proud to say that we share a birthday (April 2), and although I was a little late, it felt good to sit on the green slope of Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills and reflect on immortality and Dragnet.

An activity like this should always be done with a dear friend, one who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the 1970 “Night School” episode  which, Joe Friday tells us, unfolds on a mythical April 2. While enrolled in a psychology class,  Joe Friday busts a mouthy fellow student when he spies a bag of pot in the pusher’s binder. When traveling to the grave of Jack Webb, one’s companion must understand the pathos of the not quite pink or red or orange cardigan Joe wears to night school or at least possess a passing acquaintance with outdated drug vocabulary, and be able to separate sugar cubes and cartwheels from reds and yellows and rainbows.

I am lucky enough to have such a friend in Connie Pearson.  We passed through the gates of the grand, palatial cemetery and in the Forest Lawn gift shop, I bought a little plastic HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for $1 and obtained a map from the information desk which led us to Jack’s stark no-frills marker.  Connie and I wrote notes of thanks to Jack, impaled them on the birthday skewer and stuck it in the ground. In the distance on a far away hilltop, we saw a deer grazing on some memorial flowers. Beyond the white statue of Moses in the green semi-wild mountains, we heard the weirdly joyful yips and howls of coyotes.

As I stared into the gorgeous pine boughs overhead branching in seemingly infinite directions, I remembered another tree, one in the infamous “Blueboy” episode. A teenage LSD enthusiast and dealer takes one too many “sugar cubes” paints his face half blue and half yellow, “like an Indian,” and tries to chew bark off a tree.  “My hair’s green,” he proclaims. “I’m a tree!” When Joe Friday and Gannon find him in a park, the young freak has dug a hole in the ground and stuck his entire head in it.

In Los Angeles, meditations on nature often lead straight to the land of pop culture. I remembered a long ago picnic at a sea cave at Leo Carillo beach, an attempt to escape the city. Almost as soon as my boyfriend and I had set our basket down, Geena Davis walked out of the cave in a golden bikini, followed by a photographer from Harper’s Bazaar. Incredibly tall and trim, Geena Davis looked like Venus. Another time preparing for a horseback ride in Malibu Canyon, I met a visibly distraught Jan Michael Vincent. JMV is also a Dragnet alum: see 1967’s “The Grenade” in which the sullen surfer-handsome Jan has acid thrown at him in a movie theatre.

Connie and I talked about how Jack might like this spot in the Sheltering Hills section, with the coyote dens behind him and the 134 Freeway and Warner Brothers studios before him and how he opened each episode with a “This is the city,” mini-narration of 1960s L.A., and how we always wondered how these little anecdotes about the LaBrea Tar Pits or the crowded freeways would inevitably connect with the burden and responsibilities of the badge. We debated ashes vs. burial. We talked about things that had gone—not just the people, but eras and places, whole states of being,  disappearances were harder to trace and difficult to describe in the typical vocabulary of loss. But the hot, still afternoon was too beautiful to feel too sad. Besides, how could we complain when the coyotes and the deer managed to survive on the vanishing margins of wildness? How could we not smarten up with the stern fact of a great man’s mortality written in the ground? So we gave our thanks to Jack Webb, walked down the hill, climbed into the car and left to find our place in the story of the city. Image

Day 258 3/11/14: The Beatles Meet Jaws Part 2

The closest I ever get to feeling like a born again Christian is when I meet someone who doesn’t like or “get” the Beatles. Depending on their level of hostility, ignorance or indifference, I sometimes proselytize.  Other times I break out in a joyous sweat as I think of the heavenly sounds of “Nowhere Man.” Mostly I just feel blessed. The Beatles have been my myth to live by, the greatest story ever told.

But even I don’t think I could go on a Beatles-themed cruise.

While I have Beatle fanatic friends who make me feel part of the same joyous, endlessly mystical cult, going to official “fan” events (i.e. the dedication of John Lennon’s star on Hollywood Boulevard), have made me feel afraid and alone,  surrounded by people in various states of mental and emotional decay. When  I went to Liverpool, I preferred to make my pilgrimage with a local cab driver who used to help the Beatles unpack their gear at the Cavern, not travel on a psychedelic tour bus with weeping ladies wearing sweat-stained Sgt. Pepper jackets.

This mash-up of the Beatles swimming in a pool in Miami in 1964 with the shark from “Jaws 2” comes from the site of a guy who truly hates the Beatles. I wish I could meet him in the flesh. Maybe if I told him how much the idea of a Beatles cruise depresses and frightens me, we could establish some common ground. Then I could share with him the good word. Or at least shove some tracts under his door.

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Day 243 2/23/14: The Sweetest Hangover (I don’t want to get over)

Yes, I do have a hangover today—one born not only of vodka, but of LOVE.

WOW! So much fun at JAWS: An Evening Of Relentless Terror & Really Awkward Sex! Hilarious readers, really fun audience, sold out of shark cupcakes, laughed our asses off and raised over $1000 for sharks. Thank you again to our most talented cast: Dan Koeppel, Peter Gilstrap, Andrew Quintero, Sandi Hemmerlein, Jessica Groper, Erik Odom, Jack Morrissey! What a talented bunch. AND Helen Kim, Connie Pearson, Gail Gibson, Jennifer Alessi & Lisa Stone & Renee Patton for all your hard work.

The JAWSREADNGsharks love you and so do I!!!