Day 136 11/8/13: The Sharks of English 101

Going through the notes I took during student presentations, I realized I have the rough beginnings of a poem on the weird and wonderful variety of sharks in the ocean.

So often I find these words together:

vulnerable, beautiful, strange.

English: Shortfin mako shark (Isurus oxyrhinchus)

English: Shortfin mako shark (Isurus oxyrhinchus) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes ugly is lucky.

The translucent goblin hates the sun.

Too deep for fishermen,

his nose is a flattened sword

to study currents.

When pulled into the upper world,

the Shortfin mako rebels

&  aborts her eggs

Other things we know:

Nurses travel long distances for love.

Porbeagles play seaweed games.

Megalodon’s jaws were a tunnel, a gateway

crushing whale skulls like grapes.

The angel (also called the sand devil)

lies motionless on the ocean floor

waiting for a hapless mollusk,

and captured in the swirling, indiscriminate sweep

of the fisherman’s trawl.

Who has seen the flickering southern lantern?

Been ambushed by a shaggy-bearded woebegong?

The poisonous flesh

of the slow, drowsy Greenland shark

will make you drunk.

Its teeth are dense, yellowed icicles.

It sneaks up on sleeping seals,

while the twirling, breaching

spinner shark can only be called

an ecstatic hunter.

Day 135 11/7/13: Last Great American Whale

amy Whale, breaching, Stellwagen Bank National...

amy Whale, breaching, Stellwagen Bank National Marine Sanctuary (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had forgotten about this gem from Lou Reed’s New York album:

They say he didn’t have an enemy
his was a greatness to behold
He was the last surviving progeny
the last one on this side of the worldHe measured a half mile from tip to tail
silver and black with powerful fins
They say he could split a mountain in two
that’s how we got the Grand CanyonLast great American whale
last great American whale
Last great American whale
last great American whale

Some say they saw him at the Great Lakes
some say they saw him off of Florida
My mother said she saw him in Chinatown
but you can’t always trust your mother

Off the Carolinas the sun shines brightly in the day
the lighthouse glows ghostly there at night
The chief of a local tribe had killed a racist mayor’s son
and he’d been on death row since 1958

The mayor’s kid was a rowdy pig
spit on Indians and lots worse
The old chief buried a hatchet in his head
life compared to death for him seemed worse

The tribal brothers gathered in the lighthouse to sing
and tried to conjure up a storm or rain
The harbor parted, the great whale sprang full up
and caused a hugh tidal wave

The wave crushed the jail and freed the chief
the tribe let out a roar
The whites were drowned, the browns and reds set free
but sadly one thing more

Some local yokel member of the NRA
kept a bazooka in his living room
And thinking he had the chief in his sight
blew the whale’s brains out with a lead harpoon

Last great American whale
last great American whale
Last great American whale
last great American whale

Well Americans don’t care for much of anything
land and water the least
And animal life is low on the totem pole
with human life not worth more than infected yeast

Americans don’t care too much for beauty
they’ll shit in a river, dump battery acid in a stream
They’ll watch dead rats wash up on the beach
and complain if they can’t swim

They say things are done for the majority
don’t believe half of what you see and none of what you hear
It’s like what my painter friend Donald said to me
“Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they’re done”

Lou Reed. Schinitzer Concert Hall Portland, OR

Lou Reed. Schinitzer Concert Hall Portland, OR (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 134 11/6/13: Ban Shark Nets in Australia!

Good evening Shark Friends:

Please take a second to sign this petition to end the use of nets and bait lines in Australia. Sharks, whales, turtles and countless other forms of sea life entangle themselves and suffocate in these anti-shark “safety” nets every day.

As of this post, the petition has 575 signatures. They need 4,425, so please sign & share for sharks!

Day 133 11/5/13: When Stingrays Give Birth

From the inimitable Randall (a.k.a. “Honey Badger”) comes this crazy video of a momma stingray bringing her newly-minted baby stingers into the world with a little help from some random beach folk.

Day 132 11/4/13: Epiphany, Misanthropy & Scalloped Hammerheads

I just stumbled on this piece by a scuba diver and self-proclaimed atheist who found God in the eyes of a white shark off Guadalupe Island.

I needed an epiphany like this to heal the horror of a student presentation given in my 10:40 class. After outlining the habitat, biology of the endangered scalloped hammerhead shark, the student played a clip in which some smug idiot catches a juvenile scalloped hammerhead and holds the small shark on the deck pointing out its distinguishing characteristics while the fish gasps, thrashes and finally dies on camera. I felt like placing a bag over the man’s  head and asphyxiating him while calmly identifying the major appendages that identify him as a Homo sapiens.

My meltdown drowned out the asinine anatomy lesson.  I tried to turn my rage into a “teachable moment.” As the shark’s death seemed to happen in the name of education,  I talked about the destructive “research” of OCEARCH and urged the class to write about corruption in marine conservation. “Please tell me,” I said to the darkened classroom, “how I can continue to witness things like this and not become totally hopeless. Can you guys answer that on the final?”

They nodded sympathetically.

“It’s like zoos,” one girl said. She didn’t elaborate, but I guess I understood.

Lou Reed was right: “You need a busload of faith to get by.”

But sometimes faith involves more forgetting/denial than it does hope.

Lou Reed also said “that caustic dread inside your head will never help you out.”

A conscious rejection of too much negative thinking is another necessity of “getting by.”

Lou Reed’s death leaves me feeling a bit lonely for this kind of immediate connection, this ability to cut fearlessly through to the truth.

It makes me want to be less straitjacketed by wanting to be liked and not being afraid to show how incredibly angry and sad all this stuff with animals makes me feel without trying to wrap it in what David Foster Wallace called “rhetorical niceties.  But I don’t want to rant self-righteously either.  I hope I can find some place in the middle of anger and reverence, joy and despair that isn’t too middle of the road. 

Scalloped hammerhead (Sphyrna lewini)

Scalloped hammerhead (Sphyrna lewini) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 131 11/3/13: The Mysterious Whorl Shark

My whole life I’ve obsessively drawn spirals. I always thought it was some Celtic thing—a design surfacing from the collective unconscious. After a while I started adding little pointy flourishes to the curved lines-just for variety’s sake.

But after discovering the whorl shark, I wonder if beyond my obvious roots in the wet, gloomy world of the Celts, lies a more ancient connection to these tooth-wheeled prehistoric weirdos….

I hope so.

Day 130 11/2/13: How To Tell A True Shark Story

What a fabulous night of art, conversation and all things shark at the Hero Complex Gallery. My favorite pieces in the very Quint-centric (not a criticism) JAWS-tribute art show, were those that riffed on the movie’s less well-worn lines (although all of the dialogue is threadbare if you’re a JAWS geek), and its unforgettable, but only briefly glimpsed faces.  Aaron Glasson’s “The Harbormaster,” is a psychotropic take on that smiling old salt who emerges, pipe-clenched-firmly-in-teeth from a dockside shed, an oasis of eccentric calm amid the rabid, reward-hungry shark hunters and then is gone.

Gorgeous Jaws-themed cookies, a fascinating presentation by Jaws production designer Joe Alves, insanely life-like replicas of Hooper, Quint and Brody and Ben Gardener’s head. “Smile You Son of a Bitch” closes Nov. 3.  If you live in L.A. and love JAWS or sharks, please go and support the show. You can buy some great art for as little as $20 and support Pangeaseed’s shark conservation efforts.

As transcendently JAWS-geeky as the evening was, the true highlight for me came afterwards when my friends and I were lucky enough to have dinner with Ralph and Cindy Collier and talk sharks and drink wine and eat very late into the evening. The waitresses seemed to linger and eavesdrop as Ralph told stories of unlucky abalone divers of mysterious tooth fragments. I’m delighted and surprised by the ease with which Ralph dismantles myths and clichés about shark behavior. He patiently answered my questions about stories that have long haunted me like the 1959  attack on skin diver Robert Pamperin whose body was never found.  Such cases often support the theory that sharks “eat people,” that the hapless souls disappear down the ravenous shark’s gullet.  But according to Ralph, studies of tides and currents offer a more realistic possibility– the remains are often carried or pulled out into the oblivion of the deep sea.

In “The Things They Carried,” Tim O’Brien writes that war stories are never really about war. “They’re about friendship. Sunlight.”  I would argue that shark stories are also mystery stories about what it means to be animal and human and that like O’Brien’s Vietnam stories, even the true shark stories carry the deep dreamy resonance of myth, of nightmare, of the collision of worlds–human & animal, land & sea, tellable & untellable.

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