Day 99 10/2/13: Ten Terrible Shark Jokes

Who knew there was such a genre?

Shark Jokes for the erudite:

Q: What was the shark;s favorite James Joyce novel
A: FINnegan’s Wake

Q: Who was the shark’s favorite Norwegian painter?
A: Edvard Munch!

Q: Who was the shark’s favorite 20th century art figure?
A: Marcel DuChomp

Here’s one for the scientific crowd:

Q: What do shark trees consist of?
A: Elasmobranches!

Film geeks might like these:

One of several versions of the painting "...

One of several versions of the painting “The Scream”. The National Gallery, Oslo, Norway. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)ally stupid:

Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman film?
A: Midnight Caudal

Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actress?
A: Dorsal Day

One for the playground:

Q: What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish!

Just stupid enough for me:

Q: Why aren’t there any shark puppeteers?
A: They have no hands!!

Q: Why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced?
A: They no longer loved each other.

Q: What was the shark jazz musician’s favorite illegal substance?
A: Reefer!

 

 

Day 98 10/1/13: 10,000 Walrus

One of the many dire inevitabilities of the climate crisis, so the Walrus Refugeesexperts tell us, will be an increase in refugees–probably from the world’s poorest countries—which will be hardest hit by rising seas and soaring temperatures caused by the world’s most developed and prosperous nations.

But the refugee situation is already well underway. Consider the thousands of walrus that have come ashore in Alaska, no longer able to use the summer sea ice as a place to give birth or as a diving platform to hunt for food.

I feel guilty, ineffectual and ashamed to be human. But I am human. It’s inescapable.

So I try to justify my existence. I go round and round in circles. I show these pictures to students:

Look, look! (the urgency of the first grade primer)

Don’t be paralyzed, I say (although I feel paralyzed.)

Don’t give in to despair (even though I often give in to despair)

You can do something ( I believe this)

It’s not too late (part of me fears that it is)

The whole lecture is really some inner pep talk. As I warn them about graphic images, I can barely contain my own dread, even at the most familiar documentaries and exposes. As I rally students to change the world, I tell myself: At least don’t shut your eyes.  At the very least, keep going.

Day 97 9/30/13: Thinking Like An Animal

Nearly busted with pride when a student who’d done the extra credit assignment on “Blackfish” told me she was going to a protest at SeaWorld in October.  She felt a little cautious. “My friends said people get arrested there.”  I reassured her about not ending up in the slammer, but I hope she doesn’t get turned off by any weirdos.  Last year, another young attractive student of mine attended her first “Fur-Free Friday” in Beverly Hills. She had a great time, aside from “this old creepy vegan guy” hitting on her. Gross.

All the day’s teaching blurs into one extended conversation on animal consciousness with a few diversions into fragments and run-ons. We discussed a great essay called “Fear in the Shape of a Fish” about, among many other things, shark attacks in Hawaii and the clash between the native people for whom the shark represents an ancestor spirit and the hired shark hunters. The writer (forgot her name, the book is in the car) investigates her own “intellectual sympathy” with the sharks as well as her fear, which she ultimately transcends without ever sacrificing her awe at the mystery of these fish, and the impossibility of any shaman, hunter or scientist of ever really knowing their true nature.

Presentation Mindmap: Networked Consciousness

Presentation Mindmap: Networked Consciousness (Photo credit: inju)

In another class, in another school, taught an essay about animal consciousness called “Cats, Bats, Crickets and Chaos” by Lewis Thomas.  I asked the class to meditate to appreciate the “wisdom of emptiness” that Lewis discusses–the no-thought-enlightenment that humans can hardly ever attain and animals probably achieve just by being.

One shy, smart kid in the corner totally got it: “I went into a trance,” he said. For many of them five minutes of stillness was unbearable, they laughed or didn’t even close their eyes.  I grew impatient and found myself scolding students for saying things like “I can only meditate in the mountains or at the beach.”

The more I lectured them (in reality only a minute or two), the more coarse and human I became. Gone was the fleeting bliss of no thought, my tenuous link to animal consciousness. I felt as alienated from the reality of nature as the wizened vegan trying to coax the lovely college girl into bed by appealing to her compassion for helpless animals.  Gross.